A typical morning rant, brought to you by Miriam
I feel this energy in the air around me. I see it in nature. I see it in animals eyes and plants veins. It surges through my very body. It is something so much greater than what we have built up around ourselves and called reality. It is real. It is truth. I want that. I want to share that and connect to my species. I don’t do this in everyday life, but I want to.. I share this connection with a handful, this tribal, human, honest connection where I do not fear judgement for what I speak. I try to be open and understanding and honest with people as much as one can, especially those I think might understand where I’m coming from.. but more often than not I just end up scaring them away. Maybe they think that my feelings will be hurt if they don’t agree, understand or feel the same. But even if they were, I wish they’d understand that I wouldn’t take it out on them.. I would try my best to respect that and then move from there.. build our relationship from that new point we came to. I just want to be real with people and receive the same in return, rather than a door shut in my face.
I don’t know that I’ll ever get my head around the concept that we should suppress who we are in order to fit in amongst society. You get comfortable with people and you think they accept you and understand you and are on the same kind of wave length and then you share too much or slip and show that you’re just a human being and everything goes downhill. Nothing to worry about too much, you can put on the show and slowly build back their trust – trust that you wont make them feel uncomfortable like that again, by speaking true, saying what is really in your head, being real. I do not get nor hope to ever get why so many people are so intent on playing these social games. Don’t do that, you’re a girl. Don’t say that, you’ll disturb or offend or confuse to the point of pushing away. And certainly don’t breathe a word of your deepest, rawest truth. We are here for this short crazy spurt of time and then we are gone to who knows where in the far reaches of space or there’s the possibility that scares me most that we are just gone for good.. But either way, I do not want to spend my time here with you all pretending; being a mannequin that is preferred by the many. I want to be REAL. I want to speak about what is inside and what my interpretations of everything are rather than what I’ve been told they are. I want to tell the truth about my feelings about all of you. I don’t, however, want to do all this and then have to regret it and beat myself for “over-sharing”. What the fuck is an over-share anyway..? We are all humans, we all feel, we all have these bodies in which we reside that function the same as one another, we are all made of flesh, blood, bone and soul. The only times I think it isn’t in anyone’s best interest to be open about your feelings is when it is plain negative.. If you don’t like somebody then don’t associate with them, easy as that. We will always find people we clash with, that doesn’t make them wrong and us right or them bad and us good, it just means we are different from one another and that is not a bad thing at all. Although, stand up for yourself and your beliefs even if it means agreeing to disagree.
Anyway, that is all for now…